


self reflection

by sirnando



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 23:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13134123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirnando/pseuds/sirnando
Summary: they lay beside one another, legs stretched out and hux’s toes unintentionally brushing up against ren’s ankle. it was nothing unnatural, besides the fact that routine was hux hurriedly redressing himself and leaving without a word, rather than resting in ren’s bed.





	self reflection

they lay beside one another, legs stretched out and hux’s toes unintentionally brushing up against ren’s ankle. it was nothing unnatural, besides the fact that routine was hux hurriedly redressing himself and leaving without a word, rather than resting in ren’s bed. but ren hadn’t objected and did not show any sign of meaning to do so, so hux lay with one hand propping up his head.

and suddenly ren felt a soft pressure on his skin. hux—starting above the collar bone, right where the unevenly healed line of the scar appeared. a clammy index finger tracing upwards until he reached right below ren’s jaw. 

his wrist was jerked away then, abruptly, ren shifting further to the side of the bed simultaneously.

Not To Be Repeated. or a warning of something along those lines that ren had spat. hux had made the craving for intimacy painfully obvious and so he had been painfully reminded of the parameters they had silently implied.

he had mistakenly reached his hand out across the bed and pretended the scar was healing under his finger tip.

that was his cue to leave.

——

the origins of their situation had been forgotten because neither wanted to burden themselves with the sentimentality tied to first times. the only first time filed away in hux’s head was goosebumps lined up along his spine. foreign. fresh. a blossoming and dark addiction to something that was undoubtedly forbidden to them.

evidently it was a first that ren also desired to transform into a second because in an apparent call to ‘discuss certain matters’ hux found himself in the middle of an exact replay of a few nights before. ren moaning his name into his neck was the sole confirmation that he wasn’t, in fact, dreaming.

it became a limited form of affair. rushed, rough, lips reserved only for spewing profanity and only when ren indicated he was interested. when he gripped hux’s chin, blunt nails digging into his skin and disappeared around the corner, hux knew that he was impatiently waiting for him behind a locked door with his zipper pulled down a bit by his neck and gloves neatly folded on the bedside.

and before it had been that all sensations were contained in the chambers or released in the form of tiny moans that echoed off the walls. but lately it had grown increasingly difficult to brush them off. so the sensations sprouted into expectations which he ignored so his mask of fake stability could be worn during interactions with ren outside of the privacy of his chambers. but there was a crack in the mask. a small sliver which made it a bit harder for hux to breath when shoulders were brushed against one another or hands were pressed into chests. 

so this was his position now. punching mirrors into shards because he held the naive notion that the glass digging into his knuckles would somehow help mend the multiplying cracks in his stability.

three days passed with nothing. but hux did not have the authority to ask ren if he had fucked up, if it was over and the answer was clear, regardless. pain was self inflicted. 

——

except ren walked into hux’s chambers on the fourth day. unannounced, uninvited and pressing a startled figure into the sheets with a few rough motions. his hand hovered above hux’s face, for once unsure of how to react. he had forgotten the purpose of his visit. 

it was fear, lust, a look of confusion that stared back up at him, lips parted slightly - a waterfall of words hiding behind them that hux swallowed back down. 

a shaky thumb pressed itself into the skin right below ren’s chin, clammy palm cupped his cheek and hux started tracing the scar all the way up above his brow where it faded away. 

a silence followed. a regret. an embarrassment, a tension, a flame of anger, a —

pair of foreign lips pressed into hux’s own.

**Author's Note:**

> im an hoe! for soft|conflicted kylux so here it is
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @greedoh


End file.
